As I mentioned in Red Worms, Seedlings, Oh My, I planted seeds into one gallon water jugs as little greenhouses. One of the things you are suppose to do is put them outside after you plant them. I didn't do it. I couldn't. I kept telling myself that I was going to put them outside but it was so cold out there. I know, they say it is okay, it will make them stronger and then when it gets warmer they will grow. I kept telling myself I was going to do it later.
Today I saw that my Black Prince Tomatoes and my onions had sprouted (not suppose to sprout yet in the jugs). One of the tomato seedlings looked like it had a little mold on it. If I had put them out, that wouldn't have happened. If I hadn't watered them too much, that wouldn't have happened.
My chest felt tight. My anxiety had me turning around, going in the living room, and turning on the television.
I know that mistakes are suppose to be okay. I know that sometimes I will do things my own way even if the experts say to do it another way. Sometimes it will work out and sometimes it won't.
Logically, I know this but I can't help what happens within my body at the most unexpected times.
I'm breathing. I have plenty of seed. I will plant more. It will all be okay.
Do you have anxiety pop up when gardening? If you do how do you deal with it?
Morgan Dragonwillow is a writing rebel, foodie, urban gardener, recovering perfectionist, poet & author that (mostly) doesn't let her fears get in the way of her passion for writing and creating. She is team leader at @StoryDam, creatrix of #OctPoWriMo You can find her writing and dancing into a wild and juicy life at morgandragonwillow.com. She lives in Marietta, Ga. with her loving and patient partner, their dog that thinks she's a princess, and the cat that reminds her that she isn't.You can also find her on Google+
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